In this blog I share my experience as a caregiver for my mother, who is going through her battle with dementia with love and patience. The music plays a special role in this, it not only brings memories to life, but also creates a familiar atmosphere in which my mother feels at home.
My dear mother is beaming, happy in her new surroundings. When she watches television in her small room in the care facility, she has no sense of the care facility itself. She feels safe and at home there, mainly because of the way her room is furnished. She has no memories of the old apartment in Enschede, where she lived with my father. But the familiar arrangement of furniture makes her new room recognizable and gives her a sense of continuity. This was one of the most important aspects of the move: creating a space that mimics her familiar feeling of home, despite the changes.
The process of moving began 2 years ago, when my parents, due to my father’s decline, had to move to a care facility. Despite the resistance of my father – who had always maintained that he never wanted to go to a ‘nursing home’ – I was determined to provide them with the best possible care. I searched for and found a renovated apartment that suited their needs. Fortunately, the transition was successful, my father loved the apartment and it became a place where they both felt at home.
But after the move, my father’s health deteriorated rapidly. Within a few months, he passed away in his sleep. The loss was hard, but the memories of my father remained strong. He loved the music of Elvis and the Everly Brothers, and with the help of YouTube, we listened to his favorite songs together. The music not only brought comfort, but reminded us of the happy times we had shared together.
After his death, my mother moved to a care facility in The Hague, closer to me. The new room was smaller than the apartment in Enschede, but because of the careful design with familiar furniture and a personal touch, she quickly felt at home. The mobility of the care facility, with different floors and open common areas such as the coffee corner and large hall, made my mother feel free and involved. The atmosphere was cozy and open, and that made it easier for her to adapt.
It’s amazing to see how music remains a constant in her life. When I visit her, we often watch Engelbert Humperdinck or Cliff Richard concerts on YouTube. These moments are not only fun, but also a way to reminisce together. Music has the power to bring back a piece of the past, something that helps my mother feel connected to a time she might otherwise forget.
Now I live close to my mother, and every week I spend time with her: we go out to eat, I cook for her, and we watch television together. When there are activities in the care facility, such as bingo or music performances, I always try to come by and enjoy those moments together. The room layout and the personal approach ensure that my mother feels not only cared for, but also happy in her new home.
Feel free to leave your story or comment below this blog.
As a singer I also sing for people with dementia. More about my music in healthcare, info or contact via the attached button.
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